If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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