with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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