I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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