brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
