omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
