New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
