Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
