There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When are your genitals available?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
