it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
