You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
