I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
