Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
