I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
