If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
