I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
