My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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