I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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