So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
