He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
