Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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