I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
