worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my shit smells like andre
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
