so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
