you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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