Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
