mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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