I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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