im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
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see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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