Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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