i don't plan on having that self control this summer
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize