i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
