she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
