those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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