so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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