Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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