remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
