Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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