Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
