Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
