I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
