everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
