Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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