i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
