I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize