I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
