She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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