I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
