Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
