I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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