you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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