I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
