would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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