u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
