I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Terrible idea I love it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize