you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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