first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
