could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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