we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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