Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
