Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
