and next time when you feel me up, do it right
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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