My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
