Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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