Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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