you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
MIDGETS
????
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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