So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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