Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
