I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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