member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He did a backflip because drugs
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