Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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