I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
