At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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