Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
