everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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