you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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