This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
