I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
