I'm really into asian looking animals
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
