It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
