i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
