My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
