i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
