i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
