She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
