i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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