I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
