Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
